Irrational

Why do I fear your hands more than I do my own?

Yours are only a little bigger.

A little rougher.

More experienced.

But sometimes small things are better.

They're more tender.

More innocent.

For years, I have been watching myself die.

Each day eats away at my soul.

When awake at 3 a.m. you are either in love or lonely.

I don't know which one is worse.

I am afraid of both.

When I finally meet my end

I won't be scared, I won't defend
The things I've done
I don't need Him like you do - I don't fear Him like you do

He can't save me the way He does you.

I never want to see tomorrow.

I fear it more than you do.

If you leave me, I'll be afraid of everything.
I already am.

The Nature of Beauty

It is easier to love your body when you think of it as a landscape with your peaks and meadows, oceans and valleys.

“Society has a problem with female nudity when it is not… ” —Badu pauses to get her words together; she wants this point to be very clear— “…when it is not packaged for the consumption of male entertainment. Then it becomes confusing.”

—	Erykah Badu

Child

1/7/12

Go to Hell.



8/19/13

Wink and say hello.
Trace your eyes all over me.
Wink and say goodbye.



10/14/13

From dusk to dawn.
Alone in the backseat.
Give me hope.

Just us, two unblinking browns and the silence.

Give me rope.
My heart stopped all the same.

12/31/13

Surely I don't blame you

I wanted to see you tonight

I'm all that you accuse me,

a sinking ship tied to my lover's waist

When I open up

Is when you're closing down

Surely why don't we

Surely it's what you're asking

And I'm not sure what you want from me
I can't be all you wish for

5/16/14

I suppose what I wanted was

To hear you’d stay with me always

I suppose what I wanted was

To see those hands vowing never to leave my own

I suppose what I wanted was

To know with certainty, I am not loving in vain

I know what I needed was

Your voice ringing from behind my ear

I know what I needed was

You clasped so tightly around me no doubt could sway

I know what I needed was

Loving from you



7/23/14

__________  Is how I feel with thoughts of you

__________  Is your promise filled with words anew

__________  Is what I wish for with your piercing gaze

__________  Is after I think with daze

__________  Is what I hope my trash would be

__________  Is how you feel for me

9/5/14

Only chaos and discord can bring your presence

Our eyes to hold but you’re first to break

Dark and full of lust, always.

With voice and finger you beckoned.

All I could do was follow.

Everything had stopped.

I fell.

What are the excuses this time?

In the tumult of thoughts

Why is the only one whom remains,

You?


4/16/15

Up and down those black holes roam.
Scientists theorize that they cancel light,
but when you look at me, everything glows.
May it be because I think with my heart,
not my mind?

Youth

                                                    "STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD"

Sticky.

Eager.

Bold.

Friendly.

Icky.

Hopeful.

Lively.

Wild.

Loud.

Adventurous.

Questioning.

Hyper.

Foolish.

Imaginative.

They scribbled and as for the color? They didn't care.

Fists grasping tightly around the plastic object, circles and lines everywhere.

Through time, their talents surfaced

And true artists they have become.

Shapes and colors now have meaning,

It's not like when they were one

They have learned to stay within the lines

To cut and paste and glue

Art of cheerios and macaroni

A true masterpiece, who knew?

Time and effort glue each piece,

No reason or thought of waste

Cautiously, the work evolves

Little fingers stuck with glitter

And for a moment, time stands still

Sweet child, endlessly creating,

A pure and priceless work of art,

That which buries within the heart.

e m p t y

The worst type of crying is the silent one.

The one when everyone is asleep.

The one where your body begins to shake.

The one where you feel it in your throat,

and your eyes become blurry from the tears.

The one where you just want to scream,

but when your mouth opens nothing comes out.

The one where you have to hold your breath

and grab your stomach to keep quiet.

The one where you can't breath anymore.

The one when you realize

the person that meant the most to you,

is gone.

Sorrow is such a desolate beautiful thing.

Concrete

If you were able to go anywhere you could right now,

Would it be somewhere?

or

Someone?

Not So Selfish Loving

Stop All Criticism.

     Criticism never changes a thing. Accept yourself as you are, everybody changes, and when you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, the changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself.

     Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (no not like that) and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle, Kind, Patient.

     Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn new ways of thinking.

Be Kind To Your Mind.

     Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts, instead, gently change them.

Praise Yourself.

     Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Tell yourself how well you're doing with every little thing (without being conceited).

Support Yourself.

     Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you, it shoes strength to ask.

Be Loving To Your Negatives.

     Acknowledge that you created negativity to fulfill a need. As you find new, positive ways to fulfill those needs, you can release the old negative habit.

Take Care Of Your Body.

     Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. Which physical activity do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the person you are.

Mirror Work.

     Look into your eyes often, Express this growing sense of new found love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror, forgive them too. At least once a day say, "I love you".

Do It Now.

     Don't wait until you get well, lose the weight, get the new job or new relationship. Begin now and do the best you can.

FUN & GAMES

They tell you to just play the game

Play the game because you have to

Everyone has to play

Rarely, does anyone ever win

Those who did took two steps ahead

I don't want to play the game

I've always seemed to lose

Not just lose the game

But lose myself to it

Get out of your own head.

Not List

1. If you like someone, wait.

2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.

3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets, become someone better than you were before.

4. Eat healthier, learn to cook something fancy for yourself.

5. Wake up earlier and watch the sun come up.

6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.

7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.

8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother, cry with your best friend, tell everyone how much you appreciate them.

9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles, let the natural light in.

10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.

11. Listen to new music.

12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.

13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.

14. Go to the library.

15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.

16. Make new memories.

17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience

.

18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.

19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.

20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.