W O R L D C L A S S

High school

is memorizing facts

that you’ll forget in two days

for a test on information

that probably will not affect

your job in ten years.

It’s sobbing and screaming

because you’re just too stressed.

It’s finding out who you are

within the school guidelines 

and social norms.

It’s doing 28 hours of work

and activities in only 24 hours.

It's drinking coffee
everyday
because there just isn't enough
time for eight hours of sleep.

It’s learning how to factor

when you could be learning

how to do taxes.

It’s breaking your back

with a backpack full of

textbooks.

It’s going to school

and sitting there for

eight hours only to go

back home and do

three more hours of work.

It’s crying in the hallway

during finals week.

Actually,
it's crying over everything
because
HORMONES

It’s taking what is claimed

to be the best three years

of your life and turning it into

a living hell.

High school

is leaving you clueless

when asked a non-academic question

because there is no

study guide

for life.

The News

Error

Has

          Turned

                    Animals

                                                  Into

     Men

May

 Truth

                         Be

           Capable Of

                                          Turning

                                     Man

    Into

                                                        Animal


Again.

Arrhythmia

I'm the one waiting. 

The other one never waits. 

Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late, but I always lose at these games. 

Why is everything I like either too expensive, illegal or won't text me back?

I'm the one waiting.

But her heart was heavy, that meant she hit the ground harder when she fell.

Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time.

Over here didn't seem so lonely from over there.

It haunts me like the things we don't say.

Sometimes I wish I were numb.

The lover's fatal identity is precisely this; I am the one who waits.

Irrational

Why do I fear your hands more than I do my own?

Yours are only a little bigger.

A little rougher.

More experienced.

But sometimes small things are better.

They're more tender.

More innocent.

For years, I have been watching myself die.

Each day eats away at my soul.

When awake at 3 a.m. you are either in love or lonely.

I don't know which one is worse.

I am afraid of both.

When I finally meet my end

I won't be scared, I won't defend
The things I've done
I don't need Him like you do - I don't fear Him like you do

He can't save me the way He does you.

I never want to see tomorrow.

I fear it more than you do.

If you leave me, I'll be afraid of everything.
I already am.

The Nature of Beauty

It is easier to love your body when you think of it as a landscape with your peaks and meadows, oceans and valleys.

“Society has a problem with female nudity when it is not… ” —Badu pauses to get her words together; she wants this point to be very clear— “…when it is not packaged for the consumption of male entertainment. Then it becomes confusing.”

—	Erykah Badu

Child

1/7/12

Go to Hell.



8/19/13

Wink and say hello.
Trace your eyes all over me.
Wink and say goodbye.



10/14/13

From dusk to dawn.
Alone in the backseat.
Give me hope.

Just us, two unblinking browns and the silence.

Give me rope.
My heart stopped all the same.

12/31/13

Surely I don't blame you

I wanted to see you tonight

I'm all that you accuse me,

a sinking ship tied to my lover's waist

When I open up

Is when you're closing down

Surely why don't we

Surely it's what you're asking

And I'm not sure what you want from me
I can't be all you wish for

5/16/14

I suppose what I wanted was

To hear you’d stay with me always

I suppose what I wanted was

To see those hands vowing never to leave my own

I suppose what I wanted was

To know with certainty, I am not loving in vain

I know what I needed was

Your voice ringing from behind my ear

I know what I needed was

You clasped so tightly around me no doubt could sway

I know what I needed was

Loving from you



7/23/14

__________  Is how I feel with thoughts of you

__________  Is your promise filled with words anew

__________  Is what I wish for with your piercing gaze

__________  Is after I think with daze

__________  Is what I hope my trash would be

__________  Is how you feel for me

9/5/14

Only chaos and discord can bring your presence

Our eyes to hold but you’re first to break

Dark and full of lust, always.

With voice and finger you beckoned.

All I could do was follow.

Everything had stopped.

I fell.

What are the excuses this time?

In the tumult of thoughts

Why is the only one whom remains,

You?


4/16/15

Up and down those black holes roam.
Scientists theorize that they cancel light,
but when you look at me, everything glows.
May it be because I think with my heart,
not my mind?

Youth

                                                    "STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD"

Sticky.

Eager.

Bold.

Friendly.

Icky.

Hopeful.

Lively.

Wild.

Loud.

Adventurous.

Questioning.

Hyper.

Foolish.

Imaginative.

They scribbled and as for the color? They didn't care.

Fists grasping tightly around the plastic object, circles and lines everywhere.

Through time, their talents surfaced

And true artists they have become.

Shapes and colors now have meaning,

It's not like when they were one

They have learned to stay within the lines

To cut and paste and glue

Art of cheerios and macaroni

A true masterpiece, who knew?

Time and effort glue each piece,

No reason or thought of waste

Cautiously, the work evolves

Little fingers stuck with glitter

And for a moment, time stands still

Sweet child, endlessly creating,

A pure and priceless work of art,

That which buries within the heart.

e m p t y

The worst type of crying is the silent one.

The one when everyone is asleep.

The one where your body begins to shake.

The one where you feel it in your throat,

and your eyes become blurry from the tears.

The one where you just want to scream,

but when your mouth opens nothing comes out.

The one where you have to hold your breath

and grab your stomach to keep quiet.

The one where you can't breath anymore.

The one when you realize

the person that meant the most to you,

is gone.

Sorrow is such a desolate beautiful thing.

Concrete

If you were able to go anywhere you could right now,

Would it be somewhere?

or

Someone?

Not So Selfish Loving

Stop All Criticism.

     Criticism never changes a thing. Accept yourself as you are, everybody changes, and when you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, the changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself.

     Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (no not like that) and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle, Kind, Patient.

     Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn new ways of thinking.

Be Kind To Your Mind.

     Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts, instead, gently change them.

Praise Yourself.

     Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Tell yourself how well you're doing with every little thing (without being conceited).

Support Yourself.

     Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you, it shoes strength to ask.

Be Loving To Your Negatives.

     Acknowledge that you created negativity to fulfill a need. As you find new, positive ways to fulfill those needs, you can release the old negative habit.

Take Care Of Your Body.

     Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. Which physical activity do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the person you are.

Mirror Work.

     Look into your eyes often, Express this growing sense of new found love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror, forgive them too. At least once a day say, "I love you".

Do It Now.

     Don't wait until you get well, lose the weight, get the new job or new relationship. Begin now and do the best you can.

FUN & GAMES

They tell you to just play the game

Play the game because you have to

Everyone has to play

Rarely, does anyone ever win

Those who did took two steps ahead

I don't want to play the game

I've always seemed to lose

Not just lose the game

But lose myself to it

Get out of your own head.

Not List

1. If you like someone, wait.

2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.

3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets, become someone better than you were before.

4. Eat healthier, learn to cook something fancy for yourself.

5. Wake up earlier and watch the sun come up.

6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.

7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.

8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother, cry with your best friend, tell everyone how much you appreciate them.

9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles, let the natural light in.

10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.

11. Listen to new music.

12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.

13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.

14. Go to the library.

15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.

16. Make new memories.

17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience

.

18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.

19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.

20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.

My Three Words

I love when the sun peaks it's eyes over the tip of the mountain in the morning. Staying as silent as possible so as not to awaken others. 

The urgency it feels to kiss and warm your skin, tired with being the only one roused. Slowly chasing the darkened shadows leaving rays in their wake. 

That's probably the best feeling in the world.

I love not remembering the book being read. So captured by it, that the words read over are soon blended and forgotten.

All that is seen is the descriptions and conversations being played out inside your head without even thinking. Before long, 100 pages have been turned without realization. 

That’s probably the best feeling in the world.

I love the ability to stop and freeze time for one moment through the capturing of it in a device. I've heard it can speak 1,000 words, but to me, it's a time portal to that instant all over again. 

A special memento to treasure in a box atop the dusty shelves. A secret coding, one that only those who attended are able to crack. 

That's probably the best feeling in the world.

I love the sound of fresh growing leaves and the smell of individual droplets flooding the earth when the clouds cry. When the faceless creatures crawl out of the soil to dance along with the bolts of light and crashing of boom's.

Mist pooling all around, washing away the broken promises, repetitive lies, hidden secrets and left over remnants of loved ones passed.

That's probably the best feeling in the world.

I love the thought of him in my mind when I hear a song, see an object, smell an aroma; as I breath, blink and move. Reminiscing in the touch of skin on skin, the tickling of whispered words on my ear, soft, sweet serenades accompanied by crackling wood sparks.

Surrounded by chaos yet the silent breeze he brings creates a whirlwind of emotion coursing through my veins. Because of you, I feel alive.

That's probably the best feeling in the world.

To Human

I'm human according to the textbooks and the men in lab coats alike.

I'm human according to the others sitting in desks identical to mine.

I'm human according to the lyrics and screenplays, to the ones inside the magic box.

I'm human according to the seed planted in our thoughts since my first breath.

7 billion. Even more from the past have crawled, walked, ran and lived in the very place our generation does.
Right now, we pave a path for our kin.
Never has it been harder to take the road less traveled, yet each day, select few find an area not quite uncovered.

              UNIQUE.                         DIFFERENT.                         INNOVATIVE.                       

hu·man
            adjective \ˈhyü-mən, ˈyü-\
          : of, relating to, or affecting people
           : typical of people


To the one's covered in hair walking on all fours, I'm the one bearing gifts of food.

To the eight legged crawlers with, I'm the hand behind the white cloth and screeching stick.

To the quaking giants, I'm the shadow dweller, holding pieces of their fallen brothers.

Despite all the opinions, I'm just a 

loud breathing,

troubled,

problem solving,

self-aware,

liar,

striving to become a better composition of experiences.

                                                                                                                   I'm just me.

Each individual is fighting to be on top.

To get to the sunlight by whatever means,

many a time using others.

Why despite having a common definition is a human race superior to a rat, shark or eagle?

Such sass.

So hip.

Too weird.

Real fun.

The human mind and the human body, I find fascinating.

Each its own machine, powered and fueled differently.

but,

With a machine, each individual piece serves its own purpose,

yet,

Working together in unison.

Why don't we?

Because after all, each of us is only 

                                                                                                                                      Human.

1, 2, 3.

I'm supposed to write a paragraph or two about myself in order for you to get a better understanding of who I am because that is what's written on the paper.

From number one on down we adhere to, blindly.

Well I'm sorry to inform you that this is not what you have originally expected - though I'm not sorry one bit, that's just what I'm supposed to say.

Here is the pretty side of me, the side I show them.
          aka. the dating side

JK.

Isn't that what each of us is trying to do here? Make and portray the best image of ourselves?

But there is always going to be someone better than you.
Even if you're the best.
So let's stop the competition now,
Or we will both be losers.

At least I had the decency to make my jumbled thoughts appear nice and neat.

It really wasn't my decency, you see,
          I have to make my lines straight.
          I have to align my papers, binders and notebooks along with pencils and pens.
          I have to ensure correct spelling and grammar.
          I have to make my bed without wrinkles.
          I have to dot my i's
          I have to balance both sides of my body

I'm what they would call a 'perfectionist'.

                                                                                                                                                Silly.
I'm very far from perfect.
I like to tell myself that I'm getting closer.
I think more than I do.
I can't quite decide if I'm indecisive.
I'm unable to fill out questionnaires.
I lie to myself more than I do others.
I receive what I want when I don't.
I am both fashionable and late, although I try harder at one than the other.
I'm an extrovert when intimate.
I'm an introvert when public.
I don't have one defining story to sum up my life.


I must admit a secret, I have been 'beating around the bush'.



I don't have an introduction.